Dear Mothers. We have to talk.
.. because when the time comes, and it always does, you would want your daughter to be ready, self reliant and not afraid.
Congratulations on raising Nobel Laureates, scientists, politicians, house makers, artists, human rights activist. I see your hard work wherever I go, you all have come a long way! This world still has hope because of you, your effort with your children. But … We have to talk.
Some of you are doing a good job with your daughters. But we are still lagging behind. Some of our daughters are not strong enough. Sure they can fly planes now, create wonders in labs and conquer world with politics. Sure they can do everything. But you see, they can fight with the world, but they are not doing so well when the war is at home.
Imagine the time when you are gone. She is alone. She remembers you told her, ‘Don’t be scared honey. Your brother will protect you’, and she believed you. But your son grew up in the world where entitlement and privilege were handed over to him like free samples. He is not taking it, he is certainly not buying it. But he will get used to of the treatment over the years. It might wash away the memory of the promise he made when he was little, ‘I will protect Mary! Don’t worry mommy’. Her brother might grow out of this innocent phase but nothing has changed for Mary. She will always be the same innocent little girl.
Now may be the worst will never happen. May be Tom turns out to be a good man you raised him to be. But do you want to take a chance? Wouldn’t you be happier if Mary is an independent woman and wants nothing from her brother but his love? Let’s work on raising Tom and Mary as equals. Let’s not put the responsibility of looking after Mary on Tom.
It’s extremely important for you all to raise your son with conscious efforts towards creating sense of right and wrong and suppress sense of entitlement. It’s important for your daughter. Because our society and our religion has misplaced their trust in male relationships for women. And sense of entitlement on top of male privileged is a dangerous tool in hands of a man, and in hands of sycophant women diseased with male superiority.
Teach your daughter to demand. Teach her to fight, not with just with world but with her own blood. Teach her to see its okay to confront them when her own blood wrongs her. Teach her there is no shame in asking, demanding, and fighting for what rightfully belongs to her. Teach her there is no dignity in suffering. Teach her she is also important. Teach her that she is not the weaker gender. Teach her that she shouldn’t be the only one dragging burden of a relationship whether it’s in marriage or in blood relationship. Teach her that relationships are kept on mutual desire. Teach her to support her sisters against the world if they are right. Teach her to value her female relationships and their well-being just as much as she would for her male relationships. Do not teach her to put male relationships above herself. Teach her to do the right thing. Teach her to be patient. Teach her to follow rules but don’t forget to tell her its okay to rebel. Teach her to give love. Teach her to care. Teach her to not make love her weakness, teach her to let it be her strength.
Because her happiness is important. Her growth, her well-being, her individuality and her health is important. Teach her to believe in herself and her judgment. Tell her to be confident. Teach her it is okay to make mistakes. Tell her it is okay to be alone. Tell her even if everything goes wrong, she will be okay.
.. because when the time comes, and it always does, you would want your daughter to be ready, self-reliant and not afraid.
Note: This article is directed toward all the parents out there and not just women. Mothers are referred here in lieu of parent to help people understand the emotion. I do not endorse that raising kids is the job of a woman only. Any one raising children can relate to the sentiments shared here.