Divorce is not the problem, it is the solution of a problem.
This blog post is in response to Ahad Kashif’s article in Tribune by the title of Pakistan and high divorce rates: The girl’s parents are to blame! I would like to put forward a woman’s perceptive towards marriage, divorce and independence of women.
I agree on just this point with the writer that yes, the increase in rate of divorce in Pakistan is alarming and the writer said it’s the parents of the girl’s to be blamed that in the name of love they spoil them by supporting them to acquire financial independence.
Having a background in sociology and economics, I am aware of the fact that in the present time, working for women is more of a necessity than an opportunity. We live in a third world country, our daily house hold income is less than 125$ per month and betting the bottom dollar on men that they will, alone, provide for the entire family seems like a bad idea to me.
In the working class a woman has to work along with her husband to provide for their children while in another scenario a daughter has to work, to support her family. Sorry to break it to you, but marriage is not about two families anymore (that would be too sentimental to begin with), practically it is about two individuals working together to accede to a better lifestyle.
It would be very naïve of anyone to say that mothers or parents encourage their daughters to gain financial independence and then concluding it as a reason of wrecking marriage. Marriages fail because of many reasons. The basic one could be that two people are not happy together that is why it came down to either or both of them having to compromise to drag the marriage to the point where one of them dies and the other can take sigh of relief.
They say when someone says no offense is when they are actually doing it. Putting all the burden of a failure of a marriage on women is a classic example of patriarchy in Pakistan. We have thousands of stories of domestic abuse in Pakistan where women submit to the will of their husband to somehow make an abusive relationship work for several years and when or if they decide that this is it! They need to stand up for their honor and that they have had enough. It is the fault of the parents that they didn’t bring up their daughter well??
How naïve does a person have to be to completely fail to realize that if the divorce rate is high than it is because women are now realizing (because of awareness and their education of course) that they are not animals that man can prove his upper hand by beating her up to shut her up. Or that they need love and respect from a man then just financial providing. Women are a living, breathing humans. No one can take away their right to think and take decisions because divorce is a taboo in this country. Neither divorce is a disaster nor should it be deemed as a problem for any society. It is a solution for a couple to part their ways in a civilized way, instead of ruining everything they had.
Because am addressing a Muslim majority society, I would like to mention Divorce is something which is proposed in Islam as a solution if matters don’t work out between 2 individuals. Then who are we to consider it a social taboo because Pakistani culture is supportive towards abusive relationship than divorce?
Divorce is no one’s fault. Since in most families both husband and wife are now working, high rate of divorce only means that marriages are not only about financial providing any more. It is about creating a loving and healthy relationship and setting a good example and a perfect home for your children. And for god sake stop blaming every social issue on financial independence of women. Its twenty-fourteen!