Thank you Ami!
I was shattered, all broken, so exhausted with running after my desires. People say your life flashes before your eyes when you are frightened to death. I wasn’t frightened, just exhausted. There sitting in the dark while my entire life flashed before my eyes.
I was in my early teens, was so full of myself. Not being able to wear a designer dress and hanging out with my school friends just because my mother will not let me to, made me angry on my mom. I thought of her of as an old school woman. At times I thought she doesn’t trust me like parents of my peers. Even after several fights and rude answers, she would just never listen to any of my pleas. Whenever I wanted to go out or for night stays at my friend’s place all I got was a ‘No’. I hated all this. I clearly remember the feeling.
I was in college; I wanted to get into private medical college. I didn’t study hard. I realized but I blamed her for not buying my way into expensive medical colleges like parents of my friends. I blamed her that she doesn’t care for me enough. She told me had I scored well, she would’ve paid for my medical college but she doesn’t have spare cash to pay hefty amounts for private medical schools. I whinned, screamed and yelled at her. She didn’t respond. I assumed she just didn’t care for me.
I got into university which I never intended to join, I stopped complaining but every once in a while when I was overwhelmed I use to blame that she ruined my life and never took any stance for me. She always listened quietly if anything she ever said was that ‘I don’t have time for all your dramas, skip it and go back to your studies!’
Time came when I had to join a school in the morning and go to university in afternoon because I couldn’t wait to get a real job to get my desires fulfilled and started feeling pity for me that I have to work from such a tender age to fulfill my desires. Little did I know how foolish I was?
Today when am sitting all alone after work I realize how wrong I was. My whole life I was at mistake. I am 21 today and I realize how wrong I was. How deeply I was mistaking! I went to her and with tears I asked her,” Ami, I am sorry! Forgive me.” I had so much to say but nothing could come out of mouth I realized today, I never fell short on words while accusing her for every hardship I faced but today I had no words to apologize.
I was so overwhelmed, asked her to forgive me and all she said was ‘Just be patient to your daughter as I’ve been with you. I knew all along there will be a day you will realize I did everything to protect you.”
Deep inside I was screaming, “I do realize! I do Ami!” But I just couldn’t say the words. I do realize now that when my mom didn’t let me go out with my friends because she knew it would just affect me. My friends always told me how they call their boyfriends when they go out, lying to their parents there will be only girls. I knew even then it was wrong but never acknowledged it in front of my mom.
I didn’t study hard in college and even if she would’ve got me into private medical school I wouldn’t have studied even then like I study now and ace in all I do. She never bought me expensive dresses and mobile phones but she let me work so I may know how hard it is to earn money.
Had you not been so strict on me, I would’ve never been able to become what I am today. I am Alhamdulillah satisfied the way I am proceeding towards my career and all of it because you have been so patient with me.
I have seen my friends they proudly say they are their daddy’s little girls. I can today stand in crowd and can proudly say I am my mother’s grown up daughter!! One of the gazillion things am thankful to Allah is for my mom. This woman left every one, everything, even her career for me! I owe you my life Ami!
I am no expert on parenting but I know this was my mother’s way of showing her love for me she wanted me to become a tough girl and be able to face all what comes my way and am proud to say she is an accomplished mother now.
This is a tribute to the entire mothers out there. We may be stubborn today but tomorrow we will acknowledge what you have done for us. I now know there wouldn’t have been a better way to make me a stronger person.
Some time back I read a blog by a very loving mother dedicated to her one and a half year old boy. She was so overwhelmed and I thought when this boy will grow up to be a man in 18 years from now, he will be overwhelmed to read how his mother felt on his birth and how she cherished each step he took. I wanted to write this to tell my mom that I do acknowledge all she has done for me and will never be able to pay it back.
Thank you for being so patient.
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AamAwam
Great article. Maan ke qadmoon tale jannat
Beautiful. I’m speechless.
This is impressive. So much feel into one post.
And this:
“I was in college; I wanted to get into private medical college. I didn’t study hard. I realized but I blamed her for not buying my way into expensive medical colleges like parents of my friends. I blamed her that she doesn’t care for me enough. She told me had I scored well, she would’ve paid for my medical college but she doesn’t have spare cash to pay hefty amounts for private medical schools. I whinned, screamed and yelled at her. She didn’t respond. I assumed she just didn’t care for me.”
Totally relate-able. It struck me right in my chest. Blew my heart. Numbed. Dumbfounded. LITERALLY.
your honest story just touched my heart. You know I am 21 too and I too have realized all these things now ! Back then I used to think the same as if my parents don’t love me or they haven’t dome good for me…..Now at this stage I have the same gap with my parents but I have realized they did every single thing for the best of me…..What I am today is because of them . Your story is so beautifully described….Love you ! And respect and Love to your Ammi ! Ammi’s are always special 🙂